We all know one: a grump who simply cannot speak to you or look at your face until they’ve had their first cup of coffee in the morning. No matter what’s going on, until that java hits their stomach everything else is on hold.
Dave Grohl knows your pain. And the Foo Fighters frontman is doing something about it.
In a new spoof ad for the totally fake wonder drug FreshPotix, Grohl comes out as a mud monster, admitting that a decade ago he overcame a “debilitating” caffeine addiction that affected his personal relationships and solid excretions and caused crippling insomnia and noxious coffee breath.
Desperate, Grohl would “do anything for a fix,” from snorting lines of Arabica, to dumping straight Robusta on his sandwiches.
“My roast grew darker and darker until I finally hit pot bottom. I couldn’t be there for the ones I love when they needed me the most,” Grohl says in the mock mordant voiceover. And then he found FreshPotix.
Before you get too excited, though, like any (fake) drug ad, a cheery woman’s voice (which sounds kind of like Miley Cyrus) takes over to list the disturbing potential side-effects of this wonder drug, which include: severe monkey peen, violent fits of rage towards left-handed people, extra toe, Cyrusvirus, bald ass, stomach tail, urge to found your own colony, Oxford commas, uncontrollable tattling and nose chickens.
Watch the FreshPotix ad below.